Today (6-26-20) Kehlani has been eating really well. I went for another jog around Heartwell after the 8am feeding. This time I ran for 15 minutes, did 3 short sprints, and my lunges. Then my friend Chelsie texted me and asked if I wanted a massage at noon. Obviously, the answer was “Yes!” so I washed up and watched the 11am feeding through her tube. Before each feeding, the nurses take her vitals, temperature, and I get to change her diaper. (They would do it for me, but I like to get all the Kehlani time I can get.) In the early days, it was one of the only ways I got to touch her. Each day or 2, it’s felt like we gained a little more touch at a time. Not having the UVC/IV in her was when we got to hold her every 3 hours instead of every 24. That was a big day for bonding and we’ve been continuing to bond with her ever since.

At the 2pm feeding, Kehlani’s temperature was 100.2 or close to that and Nurse Bri told me she was going to text the doctor to ask if she could wean Kehlani from the Isolette. My eyes probably looked like they were popping out because I had no idea she was that close! I was afraid it was a fever but Bri said she was just regulating her temperature better so the Isolette was getting too warm for her. For 2 hours, until the 5pm feeding, she slept in 2 blankets, swaddled by yours truly, and at 5:00, her temperature was 98.8 degrees Fahrenheit! She did GREAT! I’m extremely overjoyed and was not expecting this great hurdle to be [almost] cleared! 

Before beginning this journey, I had no knowledge of the NICU, preemie babies, or anything like it. I just knew how to have a baby and take her home 2 days later. When we came in on Sunday the 14th, with what I was thinking was just Braxton-Hicks contractions and I’d be told I was making something out of nothing, we could have never imagined we would be staying here the rest of the month and then some. When she was being born, neither of us also ever considered the fact that our baby might not make it out alive. I really didn’t even process the fact that I was in labor, and going to be delivering until about 45 minutes before she was born. I was supposed to be pregnant for another 5-7 weeks. I was supposed to get to do all of the freezer meal-prep I was getting ready to do. I was supposed to deliver my baby at 37+ weeks and get to take her home to Kai right away. Things rarely happen how we think they will, but not in my wildest dreams, did I ever consider the scenario that is our reality. 

These past 12 days have been harder than probably any other couple weeks in my life. The aspects of having Kai at home, feeling neglected and forgotten, Kehlani in the hospital trying to grow and mature, not seeing Marcus but for little stints of time, and then having the pain of us not being able to be together as a family at all. We just came off of a 4-month COVID “quarantine” lifestyle that frankly, I was getting very accustomed to and very fond of. During these days of COVID, Marcus, Kai and I bonded in ways we never knew possible. We ate more suppers together, went on rides, went camping, fell in love with fishing, and have just had the greatest time! I think that’s another reason it’s been so hard on Kai.

To try to help Kai “escape” from her reality, we have been asking friends if they would watch her while Marcus has been at work. Being a work-at-home mom, Kai’s never gone to daycare and she’s never spent this much time away from me. Today she went to her friends Avery & Emma’s house (also David, Jacob and baby Nathan) and she had so much fun there, she passed out on the way home just like she did yesterday. We are so grateful for the blessing of having such great friends willing and able to help out. It’s making Kai’s days a lot more enjoyable.