Today, one of our fears came to reality. We had been told over the last few days that a feeding tube may be inevitable but we hoped, prayed, and encouraged our little girl through each feeding and somehow managed to make almost all of them in the amount of time they allotted. But today, at her 8:00 feeding, she was just so listless and sleepy they she couldn’t get the last 15mL down. She’s a really hard baby to burp too. So I called Marcus and Kehlani’s nurse explained everything really well to us and we decided to go ahead and do it. 

One of the biggest struggles with being here, is that we don’t really have a lot of “say” in how Kehlani is medically treated. Up until now, we haven’t been given any options (other than the post-birth vaccinations and shots). But when it comes to the NICU, they just do what is normal protocol- and I understand why. I’m not a doctor. I don’t know how to keep my baby alive at this age. But that’s been incredibly difficult since we are used to having full control over Kai’s well-being and health care. With Kehlani, it’s more like we are being told, “This is what we are doing. Period.” So with this feeding tube, it’s been a big stressor and struggle for us all weekend because we kind of felt like we might have a slight choice in the matter. It has also been a struggle only being able to have one of us here at a time so if there is a decision to make, we have to use Facetime or a phone call to be “together.” 

Another huge struggle with having a preemie in the NICU, has been the fact that we can’t be in two places at once and Kai is struggling with her whole world being turned upside down (or just “upside” as Kai would say), in the the time of one evening BBQ. I didn’t come home after the BBQ for 3 nights and that really caused some depression in her. My first time home with her was an incredible struggle because I just wanted to lay and cuddle her, reading books but I also had things that needed done, like laundry, pumping, cleaning, and food prep. My parents, Grandma Jeanne, and close friends have given us an amazing support system and Kai has been able to spend time with different friends when my mom and Grandma can’t. We are forever grateful to everyone who has and has offered to help us out during this difficult time. My dad even painted Kai’s toenails on Father’s Day :). Thank you everyone… for the prayers, the support, and helping Kai get through this time with more smiles than tears!